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Jonah’s Blog: Scribbler has proved herself hopelessly incompetent yet again. This morning she burst in through the front door wielding a pot of vegetable matter.

“You’re SO lucky, Jonah!” she gushed. “Look what we’ve got you.”

I examined the pathetic bunch of leaves and turned away. Since when have I been a vegetarian?

“But Jonah,” she said, shoving the greenery in my face. “It’s catmint. Cats LOVE it!”

I suppose I should be more tolerant. But honestly, she’s so dim witted. You’d think after six years of cohabitation she’d have realised the truth. While in many ways I may resemble what humans call a cat, I have little in common with the feline species.

God knows I’ve tried to tell her. But every time I open my mouth it comes out in squeaks and yowls.

Will she ever understand?

I am not a cat.

I AM A SUPERIOR BEING TRAPPED IN A CAT’S BODY.

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